inipi67
09-19-2007, 04:01 PM
I heard this one some years ago, when I was still workin' on the road welding, hope I get it right.Been puttin' off tellin' this one 'cause its so damn long and I aint the fastest typer but here goes.....
A dude from out of town wanders into a bar on an overnight stay in a small town and walks up to the bar , asks for a beer. The bar tender obliges and the man chucks it down quick and immediatly asks for another, after all its been one of those days. As the evening rolls on he continues to put down cold one after cold one. While consuming his icey beverages he has noticed that at the end of the bar sits an old pickle jar, stuffed to the gills with cash. Now , after studying it for a while and turning up yet another brew, he finally asks the bartender over and inquires "What's up with the...(hic!)...jar...(hic)...at the end of the(belch)......table?"
The bartender responds with a sigh," Well...it's a contest thats been going on for sometime, and no one has made it far enough to claim the prize."
"(hic)Do tell..." the patron inquires.
"Well it goes like this..." the bartender continues.
"If you'll look to the other end of the bar you'll notice a gallon jug filled with good ole' ,mountain made, rot-gut moonshine."
"You have to turn it up and guzzle it down, all in one shot!"
"Shit....(hic) is that all.......HELL I can do...(hic) that!" the patron interrupts.
"Now hold on...thats not it by a long shot, let me finish." the bartender corrects.
"After that if you'll look to the back of the room, you'll notice our bouncer Vic."
The man tilts his head sideways and sees a mountain of a man,tattooed from head to fingertips and a good 400 lbs, standin' staring straight at him with a one toothed smile.
The bartender continues,"You have to step up to Vic, and lay him out with one lick!"
"Now if you make it that far, you go to that storage room over there. We have a ,pissed off,165lb Rottweiler in there that has'nt eaten for a while, due to a bad tooth. You need to pull ...that bad tooth."
"HELL....(hic)....that aint shit..."the man cuts in again.
"One more final thing." the bartender concludes.
"If you'll go up those stairs to your left, we have found the ugliest, nastiest, scab ridden pussy, you'll ever see.You have to fuck that woman."
The man leans back almost falling off his stool,"Shit....(hic)...I got this..."
Kicking the stools to the side with his boot and proping on the edge of the bar he shuffles towards the jug of moonshine. Taking the gallon jug in his fist, he twists the top off and turns it up.Eyes watering and throat on fire, he chugs the shine down, while trying to catch a breath inbetween slurps.He slams the jug down on the bar with a thud."(hic)...DONE!"
He then stumbles his way through the chairs and tables and trips face first into the bouncers chest. Looking up at him, he leans back dropping his fist almost to the floor and swings.
Connecting with the big mans' jaw perfectly, Vics' knees buckle, and he slumps to the floor. Turning and smiling a crooked grin at the bartender, he starts making his way to the storage room, to confront the Rottweiler.
Upon making it to the door, he kicks the door open, steps in and slams the door behind him.
All hell breaks loose in the room. The bartender and other patrons can hear glass breaking, shit getting knocked over and slammed against the wall, screaming and growling, all at the same time.
After about thirty minutes the door creaks open and the man comes limping out.Clothes ripped off of him, cut and scratched from head to toe, he exclaims,"DONE!.......(BURP)(FART)"
"One more....(hic)task....and that cash......(hic) is mine!"
He falls to his knees with tears in his eyes, peering over the room to the bartender, he sighs,
"Now.......(hic).......wheres that woman that needs that tooth pulled!":???:
A dude from out of town wanders into a bar on an overnight stay in a small town and walks up to the bar , asks for a beer. The bar tender obliges and the man chucks it down quick and immediatly asks for another, after all its been one of those days. As the evening rolls on he continues to put down cold one after cold one. While consuming his icey beverages he has noticed that at the end of the bar sits an old pickle jar, stuffed to the gills with cash. Now , after studying it for a while and turning up yet another brew, he finally asks the bartender over and inquires "What's up with the...(hic!)...jar...(hic)...at the end of the(belch)......table?"
The bartender responds with a sigh," Well...it's a contest thats been going on for sometime, and no one has made it far enough to claim the prize."
"(hic)Do tell..." the patron inquires.
"Well it goes like this..." the bartender continues.
"If you'll look to the other end of the bar you'll notice a gallon jug filled with good ole' ,mountain made, rot-gut moonshine."
"You have to turn it up and guzzle it down, all in one shot!"
"Shit....(hic) is that all.......HELL I can do...(hic) that!" the patron interrupts.
"Now hold on...thats not it by a long shot, let me finish." the bartender corrects.
"After that if you'll look to the back of the room, you'll notice our bouncer Vic."
The man tilts his head sideways and sees a mountain of a man,tattooed from head to fingertips and a good 400 lbs, standin' staring straight at him with a one toothed smile.
The bartender continues,"You have to step up to Vic, and lay him out with one lick!"
"Now if you make it that far, you go to that storage room over there. We have a ,pissed off,165lb Rottweiler in there that has'nt eaten for a while, due to a bad tooth. You need to pull ...that bad tooth."
"HELL....(hic)....that aint shit..."the man cuts in again.
"One more final thing." the bartender concludes.
"If you'll go up those stairs to your left, we have found the ugliest, nastiest, scab ridden pussy, you'll ever see.You have to fuck that woman."
The man leans back almost falling off his stool,"Shit....(hic)...I got this..."
Kicking the stools to the side with his boot and proping on the edge of the bar he shuffles towards the jug of moonshine. Taking the gallon jug in his fist, he twists the top off and turns it up.Eyes watering and throat on fire, he chugs the shine down, while trying to catch a breath inbetween slurps.He slams the jug down on the bar with a thud."(hic)...DONE!"
He then stumbles his way through the chairs and tables and trips face first into the bouncers chest. Looking up at him, he leans back dropping his fist almost to the floor and swings.
Connecting with the big mans' jaw perfectly, Vics' knees buckle, and he slumps to the floor. Turning and smiling a crooked grin at the bartender, he starts making his way to the storage room, to confront the Rottweiler.
Upon making it to the door, he kicks the door open, steps in and slams the door behind him.
All hell breaks loose in the room. The bartender and other patrons can hear glass breaking, shit getting knocked over and slammed against the wall, screaming and growling, all at the same time.
After about thirty minutes the door creaks open and the man comes limping out.Clothes ripped off of him, cut and scratched from head to toe, he exclaims,"DONE!.......(BURP)(FART)"
"One more....(hic)task....and that cash......(hic) is mine!"
He falls to his knees with tears in his eyes, peering over the room to the bartender, he sighs,
"Now.......(hic).......wheres that woman that needs that tooth pulled!":???: